YEAR END...

Wow, so another year has come to an end.  This was the hardest year that me and my family ever had to get through.  The year that changed our lives so drastically that no one would have been surprised if we didn't make it out intact.  Our perfect little family circle was slapped in the face with a reality check that no one saw coming.  That, as so many of you know, was the loss of my brother Tommy.  At the end of last year he was dealing with the chemo and on his road to recovery.  But that all changed on January 7, 2010.  He lost his battle.  And we lost our light.  The struggles that we have gone through to get through day by day have been hard and painful and scarring.  Words have been said and burned into our minds, all venting our anger out at who was left in our family, blame being thrown all over the place.  I seriously thought at times that we were done.  All of us.  Needless to say I am done with this year.  So glad that it is coming to an end.  I just pray that next year will be better.  I will dare not say that it couldn't be any worse, because it could.  That is what I said last year and it started off at the worst.  So my mouth is shut and I am just praying that it will be a little better. 

The holidays were extremely hard.  Thanksgiving was not as bad as I thought it would be.  But Christmas, oh my.  I never experienced so many tears and arguments during this time as I did this year.  I spent a lot of my time crying on Christmas eve.  We all met for brunch with Linda and her family.  It was nice, but felt forced because we were all missing that one person and avoiding the subject.  I went to the cemetery and took my brother a Christmas tree and decorated it for him.  He loved Christmas.  I was there for quite some time and again crying.  Later that evening MaryAnn and Jesse came over.  There was an argument and I just walked out and locked myself in my room.  I know, very mature right?  Oh well.  So some more crying.  Then we finally got over it and just accepted that no Christmas miracle was to happen that night and my brother miraculously show up and say that this whole year was just a big ol' nightmare. 

The bright spot in my life has been Cathy.  This little girl has brought so much love into our lives.  She is my main focus on everything.  I never thought I would experience this bond and love for someone like her.  It is magic when she calls me "mom" or comes up to me and hugs me and tells me she loves me.  Or tells me she misses me.  Nothing beats the feeling when I pick her up from daycare and she runs to me with arms spread out yelling "Momma" and jumps into my arms so I can twirl her around and hug her with all my might.  Watching her during her first Christmas was just a miracle.  Seeing the excitement and awe as she heard Santa leave the house with his bells jingling and yelling "Merry Christmas" (thanks to my BIL Jesse).  Watching her open her gifts and just getting so overwhelmed with them all.  It was funny, she would start to open one, then move to another one without finishing opening the first 1.  Too cute. 

This is Cathy's official Christmas Portrait with Santa..

Me and my baby at Christmas brunch

My 3 little Monkeys

Me and Miranda

Leaving cookies and milk for Santa and carrots for the reindeer. 

Giving Grandma a special present that she picked out.

   

MaryAnn and Jesse...My all time favorite picture of them evah...

So that is about it for the year end.  Again, hopefully next year will be better and filled with happier posts.  May all of you have a Merry Christmas and the start of a wonderful New Year.  God Bless You All…..