Friday, December 30, 2011


Wow, so another year has come to an end.  This was the hardest year that me and my family ever had to get through.  The year that changed our lives so drastically that no one would have been surprised if we didn't make it out intact.  Our perfect little family circle was slapped in the face with a reality check that no one saw coming.  That, as so many of you know, was the loss of my brother Tommy.  At the end of last year he was dealing with the chemo and on his road to recovery.  But that all changed on January 7, 2010.  He lost his battle.  And we lost our light.  The struggles that we have gone through to get through day by day have been hard and painful and scarring.  Words have been said and burned into our minds, all venting our anger out at who was left in our family, blame being thrown all over the place.  I seriously thought at times that we were done.  All of us.  Needless to say I am done with this year.  So glad that it is coming to an end.  I just pray that next year will be better.  I will dare not say that it couldn't be any worse, because it could.  That is what I said last year and it started off at the worst.  So my mouth is shut and I am just praying that it will be a little better. 

The holidays were extremely hard.  Thanksgiving was not as bad as I thought it would be.  But Christmas, oh my.  I never experienced so many tears and arguments during this time as I did this year.  I spent a lot of my time crying on Christmas eve.  We all met for brunch with Linda and her family.  It was nice, but felt forced because we were all missing that one person and avoiding the subject.  I went to the cemetery and took my brother a Christmas tree and decorated it for him.  He loved Christmas.  I was there for quite some time and again crying.  Later that evening MaryAnn and Jesse came over.  There was an argument and I just walked out and locked myself in my room.  I know, very mature right?  Oh well.  So some more crying.  Then we finally got over it and just accepted that no Christmas miracle was to happen that night and my brother miraculously show up and say that this whole year was just a big ol' nightmare. 

The bright spot in my life has been Cathy.  This little girl has brought so much love into our lives.  She is my main focus on everything.  I never thought I would experience this bond and love for someone like her.  It is magic when she calls me "mom" or comes up to me and hugs me and tells me she loves me.  Or tells me she misses me.  Nothing beats the feeling when I pick her up from daycare and she runs to me with arms spread out yelling "Momma" and jumps into my arms so I can twirl her around and hug her with all my might.  Watching her during her first Christmas was just a miracle.  Seeing the excitement and awe as she heard Santa leave the house with his bells jingling and yelling "Merry Christmas" (thanks to my BIL Jesse).  Watching her open her gifts and just getting so overwhelmed with them all.  It was funny, she would start to open one, then move to another one without finishing opening the first 1.  Too cute. 

This is Cathy's official Christmas Portrait with Santa..

Me and my baby at Christmas brunch

My 3 little Monkeys

Me and Miranda
Leaving cookies and milk for Santa and carrots for the reindeer. 

Giving Grandma a special present that she picked out.

MaryAnn and Jesse...My all time favorite picture of them evah...

So that is about it for the year end.  Again, hopefully next year will be better and filled with happier posts.  May all of you have a Merry Christmas and the start of a wonderful New Year.  God Bless You All…..

Monday, November 7, 2011

October Recap!!!

Okay, so since I am total fail at keeping up on this blogging stuff I thought I would try something new and that is just doing a kind of recap of the month.  Hopefully this will get me going on this thing here.  The only bad thing about this is that it will be pic heavy… 

So, October.  Wow, come and gone.  I cannot believe how fast time is just passing by.  I cannot believe the holidays are here.  I am not looking forward to them.  This is the 1st time in my life that I wished they would hurry up and come and go.  It is hard knowing that there will be a huge presence missing this year.  I mean, Halloween was bad so I can only imagine how Thanksgiving and Christmas are going to be without Tommy. I just want to get through the "firsts" of everything right now. 

So there was a little bit of fun going on this month.  Getting ready for Halloween was fun.  We did the pumpkin patch thing.  Cathy had a blast both at school and trick-or-treating.  She made out like a bandit with tons of candy.  She looked so cute. 

This is from our Pumpkin Patch excursion…



She also had her 1st social function.  She was invited to my cousin's daughter, Victoria's, 4th birthday party.  Halloween themed.  She did really good.  She was really shy though.  She is not used to attending things like this.  But like my aunt said, with our family, that is not going to last very long.  She will get the hang of the social life really quick.  Lol…



Here she is dressed as "Batterina" for her DayCare party.  I love this costume. 





And here she is for her 1st time Trick-O-Treating. 




And her loot. 

As for school, she is doing great.  She loves going.  She no longer crying in the morning saying she wants to stay home.  I mean even on the weekends she says she wants to go to school.  I guess that is good.  Or is it bad that she wants to be there instead of with me..hmmmm….Although when I say okay lets go, she changes her mind and says she wants to stay home.  She has adjusted so well.  She is completely different then when we 1st got her.  She has her own little personality.  She is stubborn that is for sure and knows what she wants.  She is going to be a little lady as well.  She loves dressing up and getting all fufu…I cannot believe the love that she has brought into my life.  There is nothing better than when she crawls into my bed in the morning before bed and we cuddle and she looks up at me and says "Good morning mama, I love you…."  Melting heart at that moment..

So, let me see.  I was able to enjoy some adult fun on Halloween weekend.  Me, MaryAnn and Jesse went to a Halloween party that was given by my friend Suki from high school.  I almost was going to back out and stay home, especially when Cathy was at the door with my mom waving bye to me and trying her hardest not to cry.  But I am glad that I went.  This is the 1st time we have done anything like this since Tommy left us.  We definitely needed it.  It was so good meeting up with all my old friends from school. 


Also, weird as it was, a friend of mine that I hadn't seen in ages was there as Janie's date.  His name was David and we used to talk a lot in like 10th grade.  We were together for a bit but nothing came out of it.  The timing was always wrong.  My friend Mona, his cousin, was always trying to get us together.  Anyways, when I was introduced to him he had a mask on so I didn't know it was him but it was weird when he shook my hand and held on to it and just by his body language it was like, "okay, you can let go of my hand now and do I know you or what?"  He took off his mask and I kinda just looked at him not registering who he was right away.  Then after a bit it hit me who he was.  After a bit he looked at me and asked if I remembered him.  I started laughing and got up and we hugged.  So we talked the whole night and we ended up taking him home.  The 4 of us went out to get something to eat 1st.  We exchanged numbers and have talked a few times since.  Whether this will go anywhere I have no idea.  But it was fun and it definitely has been a while. 


Now the ironic thing here to me was that here was this person from my past, possibly with a future as friends or whatever and then all of a sudden I get smacked in the face with a blast from my past when my ex's nephew Isaac came up to me.  I could not believe he was there.  He gave me a big ol' hug.  It was so weird.  But he has always treated me the same and always called me Aunt Julie. 

Well, as for the knitting front, I have been doing a bit since I have more free time now that I am not working.  Well I am working but as an Independent Contractor so I do not have set hours.  I was in 3 swaps this month.  NEVER AGAIN….and tried to join some KALs.  I was so bummed with 1 of them.  They allowed WIPs so I was determined to finish my Candy Corn Boo Socks for Halloween.  I almost made it too.  When I got to the 2nd sock and completed the short-row heel (WHICH I HATE WRAPS) and began the cuff, I thought the sock looked different so compared it to the completed 1.  Well, they were not the same size.  The 1 I was working on was smaller.  Ugh….I transposed my numbers on the pattern/chart and did 2 repeats of the pattern on the foot portion instead of 3.  So, those will remain in the WIP bin for probably another year…lol.   


I have been hooked on making a lot of Rebecca Danger's patterns.  I love making these little monsters and critters. 


So with the holidays approaching and the lack of a "real" job, I am determined to finish up quite a few of WIPs as they will definitely be used for Christmas gifts.  

Well, that is it for now.  I will talk to you all hopefully at the end of the month.  

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